Avoid Becoming a Vampire

Oct 31, 2012 articles

In the spirit of Halloween. I had thought about writing a funny blog post about have to avoid vampires. It was going to incorporate the idea of watching out for the infamous Business Vampires that drain you of your money and memorize you with talk of fame and fortune but no follow through.

While Searching the web for a few inspirational writing ideas, turns out I stumbled onto something even funnier than my original thought out blog post.

In case you were wondering…

How to Avoid Becoming a Vampire

Courtesy of eHow.com YUP! eHow.com apparently are experts for even the supernatural. And in case you didn’t already know HOW TO NOT, become a vampire, I found their instructions on how to avoid becoming a vampire the oddest thing on a how to website.


1 Protect yourself from vampires. Keep garlic and crosses on hand, sprinkle iron shaving around your home and wear iron jewelry. Of course, never invite a potential vampire into your home. For complete protection, live on a river island because vampires cannot cross running water.

2 Keep any vampire that bites you out past sunrise to make him disintegrate, saving you from becoming a vampire. When the vampire returns for another bite, scatter a large handful seeds on the ground in front of him. Vampires become distracted by counting the seeds and won’t notice when the sun begins to rise.

3 Be kind to your parents and avoid any kind of dispute with them. A parental curse can invite vampires, even if you are in the right.

4 Get baptized to avoid becoming a vampire. In the Middle Ages, the monk Constantine declared that the unbaptized may become vampires after death–even if they have no contact with other vampires when alive.

5 Die naturally. If you commit suicide, you leave yourself open to becoming a vampire-even if you are baptized and you arm yourself with garlic and iron jewelry before you die. In England, up until 1823 when it was outlawed, people would drive a stake into the heart of a person who committed suicide to ensure she wouldn’t become a vampire.

6 Warn your loved ones to keep cats and other animals away from you after you die. Eastern European folklore holds that a cat jumping over your dead body turns you into a vampire. Other animals don’t have such sure results but are also dangerous. After you’re buried, you’ll be safe from the animals.

Original Source How to